Thursday, January 23, 2014

I "Didn't Like It", The Last Stand, though I did hope to "Liked It".

Remember when I said that Jack Reacher is a nod to an 80’s movie, but in a good way? No? Then read my review. Seriously, how have you made it this long without it?

            My wife and I did not watch this movie together. I watched it – spread out over a few nights – on my Vita with headphones.

            First off, if you saw this movie and you said afterwards – that movie was horrible! Then you are a massive idiot. Your reaction implies you expected it to be great, in which case, again, you are a massive idiot! Did you see this movie because of Arnold Schwarzenegger? Idiot! Johnny Knoxville? Idiot! Louis Guzman? You’re cool (though he’s barely in it). Peter Stormare? You’re cool (though he’s barely in it). A good plot? Seriously? Fine acting? Come on! Guns being shot! Explosions! You’re cool! The car racing towards the border was a surprise, both pleasant in the sound (volume turned up all the way, headphones, made the car’s engine sound cool (I’m not into cars at all, but I am still a guy.)) and unpleasant in how ridiculous it is as well. The way the guy and girl in the car would snap back when he shifted a gear was hilarious and reminded me of my brothers and me acting movies out when we were kids.

            Oh yeah, and whoever does not see that the female hostage is not really a hostage but in on it from the beginning, you are an idiot! No, they don’t have sex, but you know it was thought about! I mean come on, an 80’s movie without any nudity? Seriously, you know they thought about putting it in there.

            How on Earth Arnold Schwarzenegger has made a career out of his acting is beyond me. I've never acted in a movie but I am pretty fucking sure I can act better than him, and I don’t think he’s ever admitted or tried to pass himself off as an actor, that’s the thing that gets me! And he still get’s movies! I mean, he’s a name now, so that’s why he gets movies, but back in the day, how? By playing a robot, a soldier (or ex-soldier)? Like the one he plays in this movie! Wow!

            This movie is made by people and for people who are all stuck in the past. Those movies from the 80’s, when no one knew any better, were good movies. Now, they are not, they are this movie. This movie would have done fantastic 25 or 30 years ago, but not now!

            I think it is possible for Arnold (I’m done trying to spell his name right) to be in a good movie. You’re gonna think I’m insane after my previous rant, but I think the guy could possibly maybe act, like he has it in him. There’s a moment here where his deputy is dying and for one second – a split second – he looks really sad that this young guy is dying! The moment is more than brief and the acting is still rather forced but even still for Arnold I was blown away by the moment. So much so I showed my wife the set up and then the scene and I say: “Look at him, he looks really sad and worried, he looks like he’s really acting.”

            My wife just shook her head and said, “He’s not acting. He is really worried and sad, about being in this movie.”

            We both laughed then, we laughed at Arnold’s career and all those who saw this movie and loved it, as well as those who saw it and were disappointed.

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