Tuesday, February 4, 2014

I "Hated It" The Wall: Maybe I'm not smart enough for this movie, but it sucked.

The Wall (2012) PosterThere is only one reason to sit and watch a bad movie, and that is the hope/belief that it will get better, and that’s what made me watch the entire movie of The Wall, an excruciatingly dull movie with an interesting premise, but horrible story.

            I don’t need non-stop action, or a roller-coaster-ride of thrills, none of that is necessary if you have an interesting story. A woman trapped behind an invisible wall, is a great premise, a woman trapped behind an invisible wall who proceeds to farm and hunt and constantly drone on in a monotone voice about the mundane and solitary life she now leads behind said invisible wall, is a horrible story. Something interesting must happen! And again, I don’t mean explosions or shoot outs, just . . . something, be it some sort of internal struggle that changes the character, or a struggle that does not change the character, or an outward struggle that challenges the character and then changes or does not change.
            You know . . . something!
            You wake up one day and bump into an invisible wall, you walk towards the nearest neighbor and the invisible wall stops you just short of their house. The neighbors are outside, you can see them, and they are frozen in time! Huh. Well, let’s not talk about any of that ever again! It’s not until over an hour into the movie that she even mentions not caring where the wall stretches – but not once have we seen, nor has it been mentioned that she’s ever even concerned about it or looked into it. It’s a mystery, a very odd very disturbing mystery that she does not seem bothered boy or cannot be bothered by because she has to talk about her feelings of isolation and her companions and on and on and on . . .

            The only thing that I came away from this movie with was that the lady was one of the most self absorbed characters I’ve ever had the displeasure of watching for almost 2 hours.

            I’m not sure at what point in the movie she said the line: “I was the owner and the prisoner of the cow” about a cow that she stumbled upon, but oh my God did that just cinch the movie up for me. I wanted to scream at her, “Fucking try to get out you hate it so much!” which brings up the point that she tried once – really tried – to break out with the car, that didn’t work so she gave up and went back to her usual way of life. She continued to bitch and moan and all the while I wanted to kill her.

            Or turn the movie off. But something might happen, so I stuck with it.

            I really almost turned it off when she killed the deer. She shot it and it’s almost a full minute of watching it die. Now I don’t know if they just darted the deer and it was going to sleep, or if they truly killed it; I’m gonna say it did get killed because of the way it’s legs were moving and then finally sticking up towards the sky when it finally came to a stop. I didn’t need to see that shit. It was like the movie Antichrist but that whole movie was crazy and intense and supposed to be scary, this was pointless, and then we get to hear her complain about having to kill the deer! Jesus lady, you’re hungry, find some vegetables or fruit or something else if killing for your food is so horrible. You got a hankering for some meat, then you’re gonna have to kill. Get over it. Of course if we had some idea of how big of a space she was trapped in we’d have a much better idea of whether or not she’d be able to find other food than meat, but whatever, you know?

            The jumping from the future to the past was jarring as well. She’d be talking about her dog and then she’d be talking about how he died, and then back to the dog being alive again. It wasn’t necessarily hard to follow, it just that there was no point to making us go from her just finding the wall, and then years later she’s still there.

            Great, there goes that bit of mystery.

            I could keep going on about how much I hated this movie but I feel that were I to do that I’d hate my review of it almost as much, so I will end it here.

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