“Hi
Mr. Disneyland representative (we’ll call him Mr. Dr), we’d like to film a
movie here,” said the writer/director.
“Sure, let’s see the script and see
what kind of movie it is. Huh, father loses job while on vacation at
Disneyland, ignores family to stare at teenage French girls to the point that
his wife is uncomfortable and irritated, then the father has an affair – “
“Or does he!” Mr. Dr looks at the writer/director
from over the top of his glasses for a moment and then continues to read
silently to himself before finishing the script and placing it down on his
desk. He looks at the writer/director, and the producer or whoever lost the bet
to present the movie to Mr. Dr.
“What happens at the end?”
“What do you mean?” The writer/director
is trying to hide the fact that he’s not trying all that hard to hide his
smiling.
“I mean what is that ending all
about?” The writer/director grins like an idiot and answers with:
“What do you think it’s about?”
Mr. Dr sighs and think of probably
many other more important things he has on his schedule for the day. He says
that they cannot film that movie in the park.
“Because you are so close minded!”
The writer/director yells. “You must have such a tight grip on movies shot here
that it kills the creativity that you feign to support!”
Mr. Dr. pinches the bridge of his
nose and closes his eyes for a moment while he shakes his head and says, “No,
this movie is horrible, that’s why.” He opens his eyes and looks to the men
before him. “It doesn’t even portray the park in a negative light. What you
present here as the inner-workings of the park is complete fantasy and so
obviously fantastical that it makes you look idiotic if you think we would be
offended or even threatened by anything presented in this movie. As a bit of a
part-time writer, though, I do take offense to your lack of detail in the main
character whose mental instability you have reduced to being nothing more than
a horny old man who pines for two young French girls at the risk of his
children’s safety. It is offensive, you taking the idea of a man’s mental
breakdown while in a theme park, and making it completely and utterly pointless.”
The writer/director, missing the
point, responds with: “Then if you will not allow us to film in the park, I
will film without you knowing about it, using guerilla style filmmaking, and
then I will tell everyone that’s how I filmed it!”
Mr. Dr says with a shrug, “I don’t
care.” Then, when really thinking about it, he adds: “Actually, I bet that will
be the most interesting thing about this movie and that will be the only reason
anyone would be interested in it. You go ahead, idiot, film your movie and we’ll
pretend like we don’t know you, which is how your family and friends will act
after this is released.”
That’s how I imagine it went down. I
cannot believe I fell for it, but I did. I heard about this movie so I thought
I’d check it out and boy oh boy was it dull. The idea that it was trying to put
to film was mildly interesting but it’s like the people making the film did not
have the nerve to go all the way with it.
This movie is such a waste of time
that it’s really not even funny – though if the movie had been funny it maybe
wouldn’t have been such a waste of time.
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